VOICES IN MY HEAD

Voices in my head...

 

My life is on the line. I try to hold on tight but it keeps slipping out of my grip. Even though I try to keep it within my grips yet, It does more harm than good. It keeps cutting through my flesh layer by layer. How do I survive? Every single act I do, every effort I put backfire at some point and lash me in the back. No matter how hard I try, life keeps fading. My path right now, is quite unclear. That surge of pains, make me scared. Something tells me quit but, I can’t do that. I will only back down if death lays its cold hands on me. I was taught that for every action, there is an equal yet opposite reaction. I guess that law doesn’t hold in my world. Every good thing I do, serves me a double dose of the opposite reaction. Even if I act with a clean mind, it turns out bloody and mixed with unfortunate pains and memories.

Now, my heart is a living testimony of all pains and hardships I have endured. Scars on my face restrain all sorts of smiles. They portray me to the outside world as an old, wilting joyless clown.

You don’t need words to express your feelings; you act before you get hurt. You cherish the people who make your life meaningful. You have learned so much from them. You don’t wait for their approval. you follow your instincts and love. Everything was perfect until I came along and messed it up. I don’t want to be the one who destroys your happiness. I don’t want to cause more trouble for my own sake. I wish you all the best. Live fully, my dear.

Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. If things get too hard, I have my therapist to talk to. If my therapist can’t fill the emptiness, there’s always a place for me in the cold, dark ground.

Good luck; you will always have a special place in my heart.

From the dirty Saint,

Lucy.